Oh god, there’s this girl

Oh god, there’s this girl at this picnic who is so small & she’s my height & you could throw a Bible in between her thighs & i’m not hungry

i’ve been eating like shit because i am shit.

this isn’t how things usually happen.

and i have to go to a picnic today. NO ONE THERE IS HEALTHY. It’s all burgers and fat and grease and heart attacks waiting to happen.

i’ll eat. but not a lot. i hope to god there’s diet soda there.

I barely ate anything today.

Did you know they make zero calorie, zero carb, zero sugar Red Bull? They do. It’s not so bad.

But seriously. All I had was some lean cuisine thing (370), some cheddar Munchies (100), and half of my pasta (500). Everything else was water, Red Bull zero, or diet Arnold Palmers.

I’ve learned that I don’t eat when I’m really sad. When Kiernan broke up with me, I dropped 10 pounds in 2 weeks.

Goddamn it, I miss Christi. This isn’t fucking fair - why do the good people die young? I’m just so furious and upset and confused.

I need it to be Sunday. I can’t deal with going into work for 2 more days & having people ask me about it. I just can’t.

One of my favorite adults died today.

I have no idea how I feel.

I miss my lovefest girls so hard.

Rachel & Gabbie are on separate study abroad programs for 2 weeks. And as far as I know, Mel’s still in residential.

Liz is the one person at home I can talk to about this, but I’m scared to trigger her because she’s been not doing so hot & is doing IOP during the day. Plus she works a lot.

It just sucks right now is all.

I got 99 problems and they’re all because I’m fat